This Is Me Finally Giving Up On You

girl with peace sign and drink

I wonder why it’s so easy for you to make promises while I stay and watch you break them. I wonder why it seems easy for you to distort the truth into lies while I stay and believe. I wonder why it’s so easy for you to burn bridges while I patiently build them for us. I wonder why it’s so easy for you to change and turn into the coldest ice while I stay and give you the warmth of my love.

I did stay. I opened my heart and poured it out until I felt empty and broken. I forgave you because I want our relationship to work for both us, no matter how messed up things were. I was so desperate to fix what was wrong with us, but you never appreciated my effort.

I held on for so long because I still believe in us together. I held on to hope that your indifference wouldn’t defeat my love. And I held on longer than I should because I wished that you might really change one day. I stood in the midst of turbulence and used my love to keep you alive.

You taught me how to break the promises I’d been hoping to keep. You forced me to realize that we cannot hold onto love anymore. You foolishly made me believe that your love is just a temporary madness; it erupts like a volcano then subsides and burns away into ashes.

You taught me that staying with someone who makes me question everything doesn’t mean I’m patient — it means I’m wasting my time.

And here I am, finally choosing myself over you. Here I am, finally falling in love with a life without you. I am finally giving up on you.

This is me letting you go because you made me realize that I deserve the best, and someone who plans a future with me. I’m letting you go because I’m done being your ‘maybe,’ and your temporary option. I’m done bending over backwards to make you happy. And I’m done listening to the noise of my heart, crying out in pain.

This is me letting you know that I’m done trying my best to fit into your life. I’m done fighting for a place in your heart. I’m over you pulling me closer then pushing me away. This is me letting you know that I’m not giving you another chance.

I’m only giving my heart it to someone who makes an effort and can give me the love I deserve.

This is me letting you know that you’re no longer the place I call home and the place I call my own. This is me making it clear that I’m not going to stand in your way again because you’re no longer worth my time.

This is me letting you know that when I look back on us, I no longer think fondly of you. I am now craving distance from you, no longer waiting the next time I see you. This is me letting you know that I’m done being a short stop on your way to your real destination. This is me saying goodbye to you. And when I say goodbye, I truly hope that we will go on our separate directions and our paths will never cross again.

This is me letting you know that you are no longer a part of my story.

Now, I am choosing to start anew with less of you and more of me.

Excerpts from the book, “In Love And In Heartbreak.”

 

This piece was originally published on Thought Catalog.
Featured Image Credit: Andrea Vehige

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